Webb family empire

After writing all my old stuff out there. Waking up to these beautiful children. I honestly can say I’m thankful for my life. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for everything. Honestly being able to cherish every minute with my kids for once makes it all worth it. These last 3 years together have made it so special to be healthy for once.

Nothing is more satisfying than waking up each day and being able to parent and work with a new outlook and new mindset. Thinking back on all my crazy days and all my pain. I’m so glad I got a new chance. Not many people can do that. Not many people make it as far as I did. Not many people have made it throughout so much hell and not turn out worse.

Today. Texas was worth it. Leaving everything (sept my older daughter lol ) was worth this. Being able to wake up and not have anything from the past holding up the journey is the best feeling ever. Don’t get my wrong. When my oldest decided to stay in our home state too try on her own was my last heartbreak but then I also new she needed it. She was a adult and she had all our love and support. We also new she was taught that she is can be a great on her own and she has us still to help guide her.

Today. When I get calls from my two older ones. Who both moved on there own. Even if we don’t agree. We talk and we have a good conversation about what is happening and how to fix things that go wrong. Or we celebrate the good happening in their lives. Every day even as adults we all are still learning. Even us as parents. Teaching my kids the value of the things that make us who we are and make us happy is important. being able to understand what is important to achieve your dreams and not stay stuck in a negative mindset that contributes to our lack of happiness.

Iv received messages from people we chose to disconnect from and we just truly don’t want to be apart of the past. So many reasons for different people who just don’t understand what they did. Responsibility is important for us now. We truly believe we can love from a distance without being apart of the past. We took our responsibility and made it on a journey that we can be proud of.

Boundaries are also important now. We know are worth. We understood the ones who contributed to our success through the years taught us our values of love and respect. I allowed people to contribute in our lives no matter how they treated me. Not today. If you treat me less. Then I’m assuming you’re going through something and we can’t be friends at that moment because I found no matter what I was going through I never treated anyone less then.

Happy Thursday everyone. Live well. Love well. I’m not a perfect person. I teach myself every day still. Writing this blog. Helps just one person out. I’m grateful. I don’t hate anyone even if they have been apart of my past. I learned that I can be a better person when I don’t hate. Learning when to heal and move differently is the best way to be a better person in any situation but also the most rewarding thing is being a good person to yourself.

I honestly hear that so much. We became baptized together in the church when we only had 4 kids. Lol probably about 15 years ago now. we have been off and on for along time. As we moved. We had some wards we didn’t feel comfortable at. Then a few we liked. So we went back and forth for a long time if we wanted to continue with the lds church.

I was never a religious person so when they ever first knocked. I said every excuse under the sun. Finally after a month of the two missionaries knocking. I decided to listen. I also gave them my grief with god and my million of odd questions that circulated about Mormons. After another month of listening this time. We went. Now honestly at that time we found we loved the beliefs and thought we found our people.

As we continued. We found we loved the beliefs. Later found people truly suck. Lol. Moved found same thing. Moved found same. And so forth. We found that same anywhere. No matter what religion. People in different classes of life have different views on the world. You have the ones who benefited from being raised by the church and ones who converted. You have the ones who think less of the lower class. You have ones who hate everyone lol. Still faithful tho.

Then when our tragedy came. I moved and turned to our new local ward for guidance. Oh boy did I get the best bishop of my time so far He never treated me any less. Backed us. Stood by us and helped us succeed. When his time was over as Bishop he passed us to another who would be along side us In the end of our journey in Washington. We found a Mormon family May be different wards. But a handful are connected with us even these years later.

Our belief never stopped. It was the people we crossed into that made it uncomfortable. But in all honesty after all Iv learned and experienced. I’m thankful for each ward and each member we crossed paths with on life. I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I also wouldn’t be the Mormon member I am today.

Each of my kids have a choice. We had a choice. Today we still choose it. Not every religion is perfect. It’s the way you observe the world in which you live will be the most important thing to remember. People are who they are no matter what faith they are. I found all the people who chose to treat us less just pushed us to be better and move us to where we are needed.

Nope. I’m not a normal Mormon. I’m my own personal best Mormon. I’m my own self trusted believer. I’ll tell you how I feel. How I believe. How I think. How I do. We are all different people. I’m just as good as the next Mormon. I’m tattooed and I lived a life most people never thought was possible. But my belief is in the right place for myself and my family.

Don’t ever stop your journey because it doesn’t fit with them. Pick a path that fits you. Don’t worry about fitting in.

The beginning of my journey was nothing but pain and confusion. I grew up lost and alone. My bio parents didn’t care. Both remarried. I was molested at a young age until I left bio mom house at 13.

Abuse has always been apart of my childhood. Even after leaving her home. Her side of the family had their own issues. Even though I was a child. They acted like everything was my fault for everything they caused them selves. I was introduced to everything that I should of never been. As they even did to their own children after I left. Between being sexualized and to drug abuse. My own blood. But looking now. They even did harm to there own children. So now I move on and allow no contact between them ever again.

Honestly the only people from my childhood who protected me. Was the gang bangers I new and drug dealers. Yep. Crazy huh. They told my aunts and uncles to never do that again or else. I never got wrapped up in gangs or drugs. They just we’re family. I babysat for them. Cleaned house and got my own reality check on life. Found to never judge someone because of how they live. My worst enemies were blood relatives. My savor was criminals.

Beyond crazy stuff. Then i married and had 8 kids. Played with the devil off and on for years. Kept most of the family crap out of my kids life. Had a lot of trauma I chose to never heal. Boy was I wrong. I played victim cards and had no clue how the game worked. Never wanted anything more because I let that trauma take over. Up n down. In and out of my own self harm. Damage to my marriage and my family.

Moved further away. Middle of no where. Kept the same attitude and kept it going until I had two babies back to back. Then I don’t know what happened to me anymore. I have no idea what was taking me out. I ran away from my husband and kids. I hung around with people like my family I ran from. I was going through severe depression and gaining psychoses. I fell hard. My husband was not understanding. Had no one Chose not to reach out. Then it all crashed.

I made it alive from my childhood trauma Least I thought. By baby 6 and 7 back to back I can tell you that baby postpartum is serious. That trauma I thought I could grow out of was the worst add up up to this. I new I wasn’t getting through it. Once postpartum hit me finally. It was the last time I played with the devil.

I lost everything. Moved my kids to where I hoped they be safe. My husband and I moved to another part to rebuild our lives. I went through a rigorous process of finding myself and healing. I new I couldn’t get past this if I didn’t. I wasn’t going to be anyway like my family. I wanted my family back together. I wanted to be the mother I new I could be.

Even with the ones I had thought where the best option. They fought against me. But I had my church. My friends. My husband. My kids all supported me. So I fought every demon that I had ever known. I rebooted my brain. I rebuilt my relationships and I beat the devil.

Now 5 years later. The biggest difference is that I can get the job done as a mother and wife without having to worry about the stress of having anything hold me back. I don’t run and I sure don’t have any issues I use too. Sometimes the best way is the most difficult.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not ever gonna go backwards. I still have a traumatized past. I still regret not being a present mother during those off times. But I healed for them. I healed along side them. I never put any of my kids in danger. I never abused them. Don’t ever get me there. They had a emotional mess mom for a bit. But I also taught them to take care of themselves. I taught them wrongs and rights. We are now a healed family. A healthy family.

My kids now have the best of everything and they are thriving better then I ever imagined. We have been in this together and they now have the childhood they will be proud of. I’m giving them all my best I never new I had. I healed my relationship with my two oldest kids as well. They new I was a good mom. I just needed to heal. I got to reteach them as well.

I regret not being more active in my healing efforts in the beginning of this. But I also have the acknowledgment of how important life with my kids are. So now that o have been through all this. The rest of my life is going to be spent being able to do what I’m capable of doing for them and for myself without being forced into the habit of my childhood. Rebooting my brain and my body was just the beginning of the journey. Sad it took so long.

Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Get healed. Take the time. Even if it’s something small. Please. I’m telling you. Don’t go down that path of disappointment and regret that I have. It can be done. Healthy and happy.

My story was a bit more complicated and insane. I’m here to help others understand what they are capable of and what trauma can cause them. this is a very difficult story to tell but it’s worth it to help others.

As I start the day with homeschooling and work. I found more out about myself over the weekend. Found I had so much more to work on. Becoming apart of the recovery process has been a long journey. I found my myself not only as a mother and a woman but as a wife and business person. To put things in perspective was a better way to learn to understand anything. Honestly taking away the constant pain from my past helped but also taking away anything to block my pain as well.

See I found over the years I didn’t understand relationships or friendships. Because I never had normal ones. I had walls up throughout everything. And when I did or tried to be apart of any kind of relationship it was just basic I would give. Even in my marriage and closet friendships I had up to today. I always loved my children more then I was ever loved because I new I didn’t want to ever be like mine. Even after 20 years in my marriage and a few years in recovery I found I still didn’t give my husband my all either.

So over the last weekend. I took everything I learned and opened up my own personal perspective and my new emotions and found myself as a wife. Now I’ll probably say if I was still in my old state my guard would be up and I couldn’t not because I don’t love my husband but because honestly my life was turned upside down in that state way to much and I was still aware old people could find me. So if I went soft as will put it. I wouldn’t be safe. As I always thought. But after a year here. I feel at peace and at ease.

My husband has loved me unconditional as I him. Was never the problem. As we have 8 kids and been together over 20 years and best friends prior to our marriage. But over the years we have been through so much and my past trauma did not help me acknowledge any kind of feelings more the the basic. But we accomplished something big as I put my walls that where left down and found my beautiful emotions flowing through to him. So now we can officially start on a better relationship.

My friendships have endured the same. I have multiple friendships Iv had for many years. I continue to keep my emotions at bay even when they walked along side my family through every bad time. Today I have branched my feelings about them more and recently reconnecting in a better healthy emotional way. So I’m glad we are able to rebuild the home from the inside because I almost lost my family a few years ago. So today I get the chance to live my life journey with trust and love. As well as true happiness.

Perspective can kick your butt after a long recovery of trauma. Perspectives are on different levels of learning each day. I trust that I don’t have to have my trauma to be as strong in my life journey anymore. I trust I don’t need alternative ways to hide from anything else. Taking apart my life to endure the hell again from my trauma to relearn was my biggest fear. But I survived it. Now I’m learning about my true self. I didn’t thing I’d win after years of hiding from it. But look at me now.

Perspective for you to be able to live with trauma. Take care of yourself first. Tear apart layer by layer until you heal from each one. Then rebuild. In all honesty it feels like hell. But coming out the other side of it is the most beautiful thing. Don’t go for perfect or normal. Go for what your happiness and love is. Perspectively I’m not either. But my happiness and love is real now.

I know I haven’t blogged in awhile. Between business, homeschooling and family. I have not kept on writing. Until today. I chose this is my story. I need to remember to write along the journey. Since this new move in this fresh start. We have had amazing experiences with the minor issues as well.

After all my healing a few years back. We chose this move to rebuild our lives together as a newly created family. Our old state held so many years of pain and stupidity. The last year in our home state wasn’t happy as we new we could be. Our family was whole and we where doing our best. But only our best their. We new we could do better. So that year we planned. Saved. Continue doing our daily routine.

As the move was sad because our oldest daughter was a adult and could chose her own self journey. She chose to stick there to maintain her own journey she starred as a adult. We sold what we could. Threw away what wasn’t important and kept our basic things and important items. Since we new where we wanted. We needed to get here to build. Within two months of a kind woman who allowed our family to stay. We found a home and began truly starting.

Finding the perfect job for my husband had its moments. But today he finally found his home as we say. Kids already had the fist year here at trying homeschooling which we learned our niche together. As we begin with unschooling that first year. This year we begin truly homeschooling. Which o must say has been such a blessing and I’m grateful I have that chance to do so. We also are working on our emotions and our mental health care. As well as physical health. We have come to so many different levels then ever before.

As life is never perfect for anyone. We have had many bumps in the road. But that’s where all that healing and classes came in handy. As we learned from our past mistakes. We have stepped up on when those bumps pop up. Now I will tell you. It’s still a pain in A##. so don’t take my non complaining self as it’s been peachy. It is completely different from our past experiences and that’s where and why I continue to believe in blessing instead of dwelling.

I continue to have my “it is what it is” attitude because honestly I’m proud of how far I have come. I’d let every bad thing that popped up take away my present and my peace. Then it became a bigger problem then it actually was. I chose to do a complete 360 journey with my kids and completely go somewhere new was because of those bad habits. I was so controlled by the comfort zone I had all my life. I never thought outside that. Least until now.

Now even though thoughts are normal even those pesky worries or continued bad thoughts will always continue to creep up. Because as I see it. It’s just the devil trying to find a way to make you doubt yourself in the present. So I when they do try to take over and mess with you. I take a minute to remember that nothing is like before and nothing is happening in your present to cause alarm. It’s ok!! Sometimes those are just the worries not the reality. Reality check in our presents out ways those thoughts in every aspect.

As I begin to work on becoming more for my family. I’m working on a family business and continue to add more to homeschooling I will continue my blogs more. Now that I begin more on my journey for my family and of course myself. Happy and healthy are the best for pesky thoughts. But Reality is the only way to rid them.

Live well & Love well. Grateful & peaceful. Blessings for continued healing. Prayers and love to keep the faith in everyday moments.

As a family, we are going furthest to the top because we took our own ideas and we decided to make it happen. Each kid had a idea of what they wanted to do and their own style. We put in the money and the plan for everyone separately and together. Besides the kids I have had decided to continue my health journey with plexus. I’m doing forex trading and online coaching. It’s been different regaining the moment and rebuilding our life together. Choices for us was clear and being more than before.

It’s been a long crazy road I must say. It’s been a slow process. It’s been a long journey. The move helped a lot of different things and helped boost our family. Starting a multiple idea business is a little rough at first. But I also gained a lot of perspective from it. It’s ok If it’s slow. It’s ok if the sun sometimes is not shining bright enough. Sometimes the rain washes off the self doubt and rises the sun above again. Sometimes it’s tough to find your ninth try a successful one. Sometimes the missing piece is on the tenth or fifteenth try. Sometimes it just happens when you least expect it.

Any kind of thing is going to happen. Any chance of loss or gain is getting somewhere. So I continue to change it up or add something else because all I want is to build this empire for a brighter future. Being present is way better then being distracted. I’m loving the new place I am in for myself. Even though I still have my days and my moments of fear and anxiety. I still continue doing my best.

Business is still in motion for us. Homeschooling is construction of their future selfs and church is still our faith connected. Deepest insight into our journey together has been connected with our family goals. It’s been a long road and continue doing the growth of our family has been a blessing and has had its hardships. But as we learn how to navigate through it we thrive each day to make sure it happens.

Connected to your self awareness and learning experiences contain a daily routine of learning healing and self worth of life. This business isn’t just about the products. It’s about the independence and confidence we gain each hurdle. We also are showing others it can be done. No matter what you been through. What bottom you hit. You can regain control over your own self. No matter how many times or how long. Continue doing the job as you can. Nothing and no one is perfect. We are all going through this process. Maybe different levels but we all are reaching up to the what ever top we see.

Don’t give in. Don’t give up. Continue to work through whatever life has thrown. Trust me the deepest part of life we fell in we can always climb up. Iv been at the lowest of mine. I climbed out so many times until I hit the bottom. That bottom hits harder the fall down the hole. It’s our gain from it that wins us the cover to the holes. Gaining our own self moments is a long journey but worth it.

I have lost so much time over the years because of my childhood trauma. I caused so much craziness over the years. It’s crazy to me how I felt like I was nothing for so long. Mental health issues are exhausting. Trying so hard to get understanding was painful. Trying to fix my problems with anything was torture. I added more to my already dying soul. I added more painful memories because I did not know how to make anything bearable. Every climb got harder and harder to get out. Until the final fail. Until the final drop is happening. My final days of being a failure.

Now I still have my mental health problems which now I control by natural health care. Everything that leads to today has been carefully planned since my few years of healing. Sobriety is a daily routine and is not taken lightly because I now understand what I went through doesn’t have control over my life anymore. None of this has been easy. I have days I’m not on my game or even feel the way I should. Which doesn’t mean I’m failing. It doesn’t mean I am going to have a breakdown or a break of my sobriety. It means I’m overly trying to do to much and probably overthinking.

Which in return needs a little extra refresher for my health. Mental health care is a priority for me because I have been lost for so long it took a lot away from my family in pieces. Today I’m not. I took my fails and my trauma and made it my way to furthering my life journey together with my kids. Teaching them today to understand themes and how to maintain our health instead of turning the tables around onto a bad side. Totally not perfectly but we really don’t want anything else.

Regardless of what happened in our past. We have had to regain control over our lives. Each day we work on our journey together and separate. I teach them to understand their feelings emotions and thinking. In return the consequences of any actions. Which in return I’m still learning on a daily basis. Because no matter how much or how far healing happens. No matter what we learn. Each day is different. Each day is a new learning experience. We still have to keep our sobriety together. We still need to keep our mental health care going. We still have to remember the steps. Which god knows it’s not easy.

I chose to to go backwards or not be lost about lost time. I take each day and make new time and make a new memories. Because it’s not about the fail or the bottom. It’s about the learning experience and the overcome moment you regained control over your life. It’s about now not yesterday. Time was lost and I was getting in my head as I wrote this. But by the end. I remember the time I regained instead of the time I lost. We don’t and won’t be perfect. But we can be present.

In time we learn patience. Our history has been full of so many unnecessary things we tend to dwell on them over time. Which in return causes us to panic and stress over the now. When we learn patience it is a new level for us. Which in return can help on the journey of healing.

Now. As someone who has a history that is a big part of my life journey. It took a toll & I allowed it to harm my present & future for a long time. I had so much pain and so many toxic people surrounding me. From my mother to her side of the family and groups of friendships I had along the way. So my surroundings where never healthy or happy. Now mind you I had a few great friends over that time period who I think about all the time & still appreciate them. I had a few people on my fathers side who truly wanted my best. But I didn’t grow up with them around because of the toxic people on the other side. I watched everything from the bottom up being around. I remember always being the bad guy if I said no to any of them or if I didn’t comply to their toxic topics at the time.

Mind you this is mostly family. I left my mother at 13 years old. Tried the Extended family. Yep. Just about as bad. I was more treated like I was a adult and out in situations I never should have been in by blood family. No one batted a eye. Then when I chose to be myself and not comply. Everything was my fault. Which mind you they where adults not me. No one on that side has accomplished anything but drugs and jail. Or just not freaking caring about anything sept if they will be mad.

I learned that from this childhood. I gained way more problems then I should have. I also acted in ways I should never have brought into my own adulthood. And now after my own wake up call. I left & ran after my first child. But those learned traits where already built in my own life. So after my major wake up call. I learned to not be the victim & not follow anyone anymore. I rebooted & rebuilt. I healed and I regained my own self. I also learned that in order to make sure my kids never have this. To heal with them & we never look back only forward.

So even though I was sexually abused. Mentally abused. Physically abused. Put in adult situations by family members with no regard. No matter the homelessness I indirectly had. No matter the claims a adult made on me as a child. No matter the childhood I lived. Now I’m in a position where I truly grew past them (even though they are older) and today with patience and healing. I now can build relationships with my opposite side with no bad habits. I can build my kids a life which is healthy and happy so they can intern do anything for themselves as a adult. Plus our relationships ( my children & I ) are now truly blessed.

And I also have learned how to build n maintain true relationships with my friends and I also now have a better understanding of marriage. So honestly. Healthy happy and patience is our healing process. Don’t stop being you because of history. Learn n heal. Because I’m not going back because of the way I feel now. It’s hard working but so freaking awesome!

Live well love well & don’t forget about you!

So on this Sunday I decided to take a moment to treasure the choices of our family. Now. After everything I have been through up until and after a big decision we made many years ago. Here is my compliments from my self open.

So many years ago. When we had only I believe our 3 oldest. We where in one of our times of complications of our own self worth was continuing. We never really thought a lot about ourselves. We never really got who we where. We never had any support or faith. We both came up in our own worlds & our friends who we raised ourselves around where more on the criminal side then anyone else. We moved away as we started having our family together. By our 3rd child. We where trying to be more then what we ever new.

So as we tried to reach any kinds of goal we at that time thought we where worth. We continued to find friends who where never above what we new. Now don’t get me wrong. Every person we ever have had in our lives had a reason in our path. Some are great people just on the wrong path. But I can say those where my biggest supporters back in the day.

As we continued to try. We kept getting visited by our local Mormon church missionaries. Ow mind you. I had no faith & no care of church. Because I assume if there was a higher power. Why would anyone let bad happen to me or anyone. But as they continue to come by. After a few weeks. I decided to sit & chat. I continue to do this over a few months. Then we met others in the church and decided to go. With long chats & looking deep. We jumped into the church and decided to try.

Now mind you. Each area has its own ward which it’s own area church in sections. Now at first. Everyone was nice & going good. Moved from original part into another. Now I will tell you what I must. Every ward church is filled with different people. It’s like a family. But not all are created equal. Our original church was filled with people who assume they are better then anyone & sit on a high horse. Fake friendships taught me not even in gods house you will fill below your own life. Now I am not perfect at the time but I did know I did not feel happy.

We moved. Another town another church. This one not big & in middle of nowhere. People where not really excited sept about themselves. Not high n mighty like before. But just all self absorbed. Now I will tell you even though we never attended anything much. We chose to continue learning & reading. But after two failed attempts. We where in a position of complete and under failed life. Being stuck n alone in middle of nothing really took a toll.

E lost everything in one moment. So we packed up. Kids where with someone we thought we could trust. Two oldest stayed with us and we moved to some friends we never have a real chance to. Now. We met our local church bishop and our life changed because of him. Our bishop at the time. Met us. Listened to us and he connected us to everything and extra. Even when his time was done he continued to push our bishops at the times to continue his journey with us. Now between this bishop and one other. I must say. It took sometime. But we got all of us together and rebooted ourselves and rebuilt our lives together stronger and more important our family lives together.

I don’t push anything. & honestly not many people know we are Mormon. But even though the first 7 years where crazy. These last 5 have built us to today. So never doubt what the spirits are pushing. You never know what might be. As of today. We moved on again & a few signs where go in again to try & go above what we did before and go. Which we still do not regret the choice.

No matter your religion or relationship which the spirt. Everyone & everything is different. One church family is not created equal either. I will surely contest to that. All together. It took our 3 rd move I. Over our first 7 / 8 years To achieve what our 3rd & fourth bishop/ward did. And honestly it came at the most time we really needed them. It’s the power of needs & when. Trust me. Now a complete new place n found the same loving and supportive family again.

So don’t forget. It’s more the timing of the find and final order for our story.

Happy Sunday. Be blessed. Be happy. Be yourself. Don’t judge anyone because you never know when it’s your Fail coming.